Santa, Cellulite and other Seasonal Stuff
December 22nd and counting.
So how are y’all doing?
If you are unable to be of good cheer do the best you can not to be homicidal.
Christmas should come with a warning label on it:
“Be aware that for certain individuals Christmas may induce depression, holiday hysteria and feelings of uncontrollable inadequacy. These side effects should not last long,if they do, please consult a competent psychiatrist as soon as possible, assuming you can find one.”
At this time of year people fall into a few very basic categories: the desperately depressed, the panic stricken, the last minute lunatics and the smugly well prepared. I make a point of not associating with people of the last category as I find them to be very annoying. No matter what category you fall into, take heart, this too shall pass.
There are times when accepting the inevitable is the only option open to us. (disclaimer: Although the foregoing sentence may remind some people of another more disturbing saying, ” If rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it”, please be assured that Shabby Chic is not implying that dear old Santa is a pedophile or a rapist. That would be too dark even for me.) So, the bottom line is we might as well do what we can to enjoy Christmas as it will find us no matter where we hide.
The good news is that with the price of oil these days, putting a lump of coal in someone’s stocking will be interpreted as a gift of generosity, as opposed to a moral judgment on behavior. Go onto the “I Am a Lame Shopper” website and see if they still have any lumps left. I’m confident that if you click on the Super Lame tab you can print out a gift certificate. That may be your only alternative at this late date. In this day and age of immediate gift gratification, you no doubt will be cast into The Super Lame Hall of Shame but take your lumps, you earned them.
Personally, I fully expect to receive a lump of cellulite in my stocking this year. Through personal experience, I have discovered that Santa can be a real twisted piece of work. Doing this sort of thing to the cynical and lazy citizens of his domain is what keeps him jolly.
Christmas warning!!! Do not, under any circumstance, check out the websites that inform on the number of calories lurking in the traditional Christmas food feast. The people who send us this terrifying caloric data are mean spirited and need to be destroyed. With all the stress of this season, the very least we should be able to do is inhale an enormous number of comfort calories in complete ignorance or denial of the inevitable consequences. Remorse will come later. That’s what New Years Eve is for.
So, Merry Everything Blogger Friends.
Til next time,
Susan, Shabby Chic
December 22nd, 2007 at 6:10 pm
ooo…am I getting coal? I can sell it on the free market, we are still a free market right?
=)
December 22nd, 2007 at 7:09 pm
You are optimistic aren’t you?
as you know Miss MBA About To Be the term “Free Market” falls into the “relative term” category
It is nice to know you plan to pawn the gifts I give you. Such a sweet thing to do. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
December 23rd, 2007 at 5:01 am
Can I be a sum of every category but the last? Truth is I’m falling into the more depressed category this year.
December 23rd, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Velverb,
Having the holiday blues sucks. You’re not alone but I know that doesn’t help. I’m not sure there is any immediate cure for it. Some people will suggest you go after the fabled exercise endorphins. Truth be known though, when our ass is dragging on the ground big time, we have a hard time getting it into gear. Sometimes we just aren’t up to following good,healthy, sweat inducing advise.
When I feel blue I watch movies (comedies), I try to disappear for a bit into a wonderful book and most important I call my special people, just so I can hear their voices. Stay away from other depressed souls. Although misery loves company, misery feeds depression. For me, positive voice therapy helps. For a few minutes I leave my life and enter theirs.
I know my suggestions are not ground breaking news.
I just thought I would try to be a typed version of one of your voices.
Reach out girl.
Hug someone who will hug back.
Know that Shabby Chic is sending you a virtual hug from the Land of Enchantment.
December 23rd, 2007 at 8:17 pm
Santa is not a warped piece of work. Santa is the best of all of us who want to find a focus for giving to others and thinking of others over themselves. Santa is the good guy - at least he was when he was first dreamed up by whovever. Santa isn’t the unemployed dude in the Mall. Santa is an ideal that has been abused.
December 23rd, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Dear Anonymous
Thanks for dropping by.
You are so right!
Santa represents the feelings of magic and good will in each of us. I love Santa. I just have an odd sense of humor from time to time.
No doubt I was naughty and not nice in my “tongue in cheek” remarks where Santa was concerned. My intention was not to abuse. Santa is a good guy.
Merry Christmas.
December 24th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Like I always say, if everyone likes your writing then you are doing something wrong! Don’t sweat the Santa idealists…your tongue and cheek is obvious and funny. Big hugs from the girl up north.
January 14th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
I like your sense of humour. Just had to stick up for the bearded guy. He has almost lost his power in a land where bullets not reindeer fly in the dark and children know better than to sit on ol’ santa’s knee. There’s no more time to make a list and check it twice - there’s no more time for magic and wonder. We are a cynical world. Its too bad because I wanted my kids to have it better than me. I held onto the magic for a long time and now I’m trying hard to remember where I left it.