Shabby Chic

A Single Response from a Fellow Blogger to One Man’s Point of View - with thanks from Shabby Chic

“Perhaps this whole “sex, hot food, and clean clothing” perspective is precisely why women want more independence. Being in “service” to one’s husband is hardly a fulfilling life, and women have long known that. Besides, being married has never stopped men from getting sex at home AND elsewhere.

“I think the point that the first article (The Cultural Threat of the Happy Single Woman) was trying to make is that women no longer feel as compelled to get married and are enjoying the independence and freedom that men have enjoyed for many generations prior. The guy arguing that men marry for “sex, hot food, and clean clothing” is totally missing the point. Men have never really needed or wanted to get married as much as women (as far as the myth goes and his argument supports that). His argument is just bull.

“The one thing the guy is right about is that never in history have men been able to get so much free extramarital sex. Every sexual liberation movement has benefited men more than women. Particularly this one, which is clearly focused more on men’s pleasure in its philosophy than on a woman’s. And this is our error, us women, for not demanding more for ourselves and refusing certain behaviors and requests.”

But that’s another post, right?

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Response From My Side of the Computer Screen

You bet it is!
To be fair and factual all women do not hate being married. Statistics, however, have told us for quite some time, that for many in America marriage has not lived up to the promise of “living happily ever after” and men and women alike are walking away.

But let’s face it, for disenchanted women, all of the factors you mention have been a part of the “marriage misery” index forever. That more women are choosing to divorce, to delay marriage or choosing not to get married at all is not surprising for the reasons you sited and many more. What is significant about women choosing to be single, is the fact that more women today are in a position financially and emotionally to live with that choice. Therein lies the cultural, socio- political “seismic shift” the cultural critics are worried about. It is one thing to be single because no one has proposed. It is quite another to say “no thanks”. Instead of investing in risky stock market options, more women are taking risks with their own futures and finally betting on themselves.

That some women are happy in “singledom” because they are “enjoying the independence and freedom men have enjoyed for many generations” is equally true.

It is, however, important to acknowledge that independence and freedom are reality based experiences -neither one can happen in vacuum. To truly experience either requires the existence of the element of choice. Some would argue that everyone has choices they can make. I would like to remind these individuals that there was a time not long ago when the only choice the common woman had was between marriage and poverty. For these women marriage was not a choice, it was a survival tactic. Today, for the millions of American women living in poverty that is still their reality.

I believe the term pro-choice should not be confined to the realm of woman’s reproductive rights. It should be used in the context of women’s life rights. Both are worth fighting for.

So how did all of this come about?

It’s important we understand what’s going on because seismic changes have a habit of rocking our world. Change is everywhere and we all need to keep up.

There are a few things we can count on in life – death, taxes and the power of numbers.

Pick any single minded large group in American history and any one us with access to Google can track the impact they have had on the government and society of this country. The growing number of singles in America will, in time, change the workplace, the tax code and social convention as we know it today.

Is our two-by-two Noah’s Ark culture starting to tip - one by one?

Stay tuned for the next conversation, “The Single Minded: “Why now? What does it mean? “ .

Read Part I and Part II of the Single Minded Woman.

Till the next post,

Shabby Chic

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This entry was posted on Friday, February 8th, 2008 at 12:24 am and is filed under Single Minded Woman. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.