Shabby Chic

February is the worst month of the year by far: February has only 28 days in it, which means that if you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don’t get and it is the host month for Valentine’s Day.

Try to avoid February’s whenever possible.

Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year when unhappily married women don’t envy their Happy Single Friends and their happily single friends are tempted to spend their “shoe money” on a dating service.

VD, a day when even penicillin won’t cure what’s ailing you.

Valentine’s Day is the day when Happy Singles envy something they don’t necessarily even want.

Chorus in the song Valentine’s Day Lament: “What’s wrong with me”.

Chorus in the song I Survived Valentine’s Day: “What was I thinking”.

Valentines Day is like the measles. We all have to go through it and hope we survive. If we don’t scratch the irritation, we’ll have fewer scars. So let’s duck tape mittens to our hands and not scratch.

After all, it may be one “mother” of a long day but it’s only one day.

Suggestions on how to get through it intact:

Avoid restaurants of any kind – let’s face it, this is not the night you want to utter the words : A table for one please”. Don’t do that to yourself.

If you have any single friends you can get together with, get drunk and beat the hell out of a heart-shaped piñata full of chocolates.

If you don’t have any single friends you can get together with, get drunk, pin a picture of your ex’s face on a cupid shaped piñata filled with chocolate and beat the hell out of it.

If you can’t think of anyone you would want to be with given the choice, broaden your horizons – give serious consideration to becoming gay. Then plan to write a book about it, naming all the names of the people that made your “changing teams” so easy.

Install caller ID on your phone and DO NOT talk to anyone who thinks you should be married or involved in a relationship with potential (your disappointed Mother can go for one day without talking to you).

To combat the inclination to go “postal” at work after you have seen the tenth vase of red roses on your co-workers desks, put on one of those sexy black satin sleeping masks. Suggestion: If you are on a budget you might want to consider renting a seeing-eye dog for the day instead of buying yourself roses .

While most celebrate romance on this day try celebrating your life and all the family and friends who love you “just the way you are” and pretend that matters (some alcoholic beverages may be required to pull this off).

Remember all the bad sex you have had.

Flowers don’t judge - buy some for yourself just as a reminder that you don’t need someone else to do it for you (15% of single women do this by the way).

3% of singles buy their pets Valentine’s Day gifts. BAD IDEA. Do you really want to loose the respect of your cat? I for one will not buy a Valentine’s Day gift for my Persian cats. I have not, however, ruled out buying myself flowers and having dinner with them.

If you are a Drama Queen – think of this day as a new episode in your personal soap opera.

If thinking about being dateless on Valentine’s Day hurts, stop doing it.

On February 15^th, to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for next February 14^th. talk to as many women as you can whose significant other or spouse did absolutely nothing for them on Valentine’s Day worth bragging about.

Remember there’s nothing wrong with any of us – it’s just not our day.

In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. “

The fact that the “commercial dating machine” is so damned good at it is unfortunate.

So be pro-choice, choose not to buy into the billion dollar hype.

Most importantly, hold onto your sense of self and your sense of humor.

Get through the day and before you know it your unhappily married friends will be back to envying you.

Till the next time,

Shabby Chic

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This entry was posted on Monday, February 11th, 2008 at 9:20 pm and is filed under Cheeky, Holidays, Single Minded Woman. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.