I don’t miss school
Since I have started school a lot of people have expressed their longing to be back in school. I have decided that this is a misappropriated emotion. You don’t miss school. What you miss is the time of your life that included school. You miss the intellectual stimulation of class, and living in a dorm, and being surrounded by other students, and not having to worry about money or a job. I know this is simplistic and I am sure that some of you are saying, I had to work, I had to worry about money. But it isn’t the same as now is it? You didn’t work like you do now. You didn’t have bills or responsibilities like you do now. You got to devote all of your time, energy and resources (varied and/or limited as they might have been) to you and your intellectual and social pursuits. The people who surrounded you were interested in having a good time and entertaining odd and often esoteric intellectual discussions that did not include mundane things like car insurance. Yes car insurance existed..but not like now. Now it is different. Now is the real world. Now is being an adult, even if you still don’t feel like one. Now is political discussion that really do apply to how you live your life rather than how you idealize your world.
Going back to school now is not the same. Unfortunately you cannot get rid of “now.” It’s already out there. Once you stick your toe in those waters, you cannot pull it back out. Now school is work, and money, and financial aid and student loans, and a full time job, and a house, a mortgage, car payments, insurance, electric, gas, water, mow the lawn, take out the trash, sweep the floor, do the laundry, balance the budget, talk on the phone to all the people you don’t have time or energy to talk to, make dinner, pay your taxes, fill out your taxes, write your resume, work on your career….oh yeah, did I mention study. The enjoyment of hedonistic intellectualism is lost in the myriad of stuff. Stuff that exists now, but didn’t exist then. At least not in the same way.
So no, you don’t miss school. You miss the entire experience.
…and yes, classes have started back up. To say that I am dragging my feet would be a metaphoracle decription or general reluctance and a lot of whining. But I am actually working ahead so that way I feel like is getting done sooner. Don’t ask me to explain my logic, it is all how I perceive the world. This is my last year. I wish it could be done without having to do the work. But no such luck. So I am remembering exactly how I don’t miss school and kind of wishing that I could still be naive enough to think that I did.
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