Not Rolling with It
So lately I have come to realize that, in fact, I am not rolling with it. I am not going with the flow. I am a rock, and not in a zen buddhist way. I am not a little rock in a little zen garden with happy tranquil rake patterns around me. I am an angry little rock, with a painted on frown, that is pissed about the water crashing on to it. Yeah, this sh*t is not rolling off right now. That is the easiest way to say it. What I could normally just let roll off me, take in stride, be a team player, put up the good fight, put on a brave face…pick the cliche, but it isnt working.
I need a vacation.
Work. School. Work. School.
A friend of mine from work offered an observation that I think it quite apropos. She suggested that maybe since Dave will be graduating a semester earlier than originally anticipated (which means the same time as me) that I am actually freaking out about this. I know I have been joking about that, but this may be more real of an issue than I thought. Maybe I am struggling with school as a way to rebel against the pressure of graduating. Yes, this is self defeating behavior, and sounds insane, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
I can’t answer the questions: What are you going to do after graduating? What is Dave going to do? Are you going to stay at your current job? where will/would you go? what do you want to do? will the house be ready? are you ready to sell the house? will you be ready by the time you graduate? what about getting married? what about babies? You always said you would do that when you finished school…countdown has started.
Here is my answer. I don’t know.
Now stop asking.
My mom, who is very perceptive, is treating me to a day at the spa. So on Saturday I am getting a massage, a facial and 30 minutes in the hot tub. This will be good. I need to unwind.
I should say that again, I need to unwind.
Just Living, School |Leave a Reply
