The Frustration of Ignorance
I have been working on my school work. I read the material and thought, hey, I am getting this. Then I tried to do the math. Let me answer the first question, no I do not have a problem with math. I did well in calculus. Hell, I liked trig. But I am doing statistical math in my Operations Management class. I F-ing HATE IT!!!! I HATE STATISTICS!!! IF I WANTED TO BE A F-ING STATISTICIAN I WOULD HAVE MAJORED IN STATISTICS. F!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I am fighting with this F-ING math and my numbers make no sense. I look at what my team mates have done, and theirs make more sense. I still cant see how they get there. Breaking down their formulas in excel, I see what they did. I dont get why. WHY? Why do their forumulas not seem to match what is in the book? But they match with each other, so WHAT ARE THEY DOING?????
I am so frustrated. I just want to throw my computer across the room, scream and break into tears. It is frustration that bubbles up from within you. I DON’T UNDERSTAND!! and I don’t understand why I don’t understand. This is the part that makes you want to rip your face off. I hate it! I HATE IT!
I have always had a huge problem with not “getting it.” Maybe this is why I went to Smith College and have become a plethora of useless information. I had a need to understand. I actually get angry when I don’t. It makes me feel incapable and stupid. The ignorance is like being trapped inside a sound proof glass box. You can scream if you want, but it doesnt matter. All that you have is this visceral, tangible, physical anger in your own impotence.
I hate feeling incapable.
I am sure I will figure this out tomorrow.
School | Comments (3)Finding my motivation
I am going to blame it on winter. I don’t really have the doll drums, I think I have a case of the complacencies. When it comes to what I need to do, I just really don’t want to do it. Of course that is not good enough. I have to do these “things.” So I have decided to light a fire under my own bum. I can’t sit around waiting for the sun to return and find that my energy is renewed with the longer days. As much as I would like to sip coffee and stare into my fireplace, I actually have things to do. Ho hum.
I realized after reading Spike’s blog, Moonlighting as a Student, that I don’t blog about school. I don’t know why. It’s not that it isn’t interesting, because it is…well for the most part. Maybe it is because it is a distance program and therefore I don’t have the classroom antics to share. Or maybe because I spend so much of my intellectual energy on my school that I don’t really feel like rehashing it on my blog, which I view as enjoyable personal time. Or maybe, I haven’t been putting in the energy that I should be and therefore don’t want to talk about it because that will draw my own eye to the fact that I am being a half-asser. Maybe it is a little of all of it.
Regardless the reason, I am going to blog about it now. Don’t worry, I am not going to bore you with the details of Operational Management (my current class). But that is part of the problem, these classes aren’t that interesting to talk about, unless you are another MBA student. Coming from a powerful liberal arts background, it can be challenging to dig your teeth into a business program where even though everything can be tied back to sociology, you just aren’t allowed to go there.
But I started this program with a purpose. It is a career move. I am learning valuable information that will help me along my entire career path. Hopefully, once I graduate I will be in a position to be able to make real strides in my career. I will only be bound by my own limitations, education will no longer be a preventative factor.
So I have renewed my commitment to school. I have revamped my study methods. If I am doing this, then I need to really do it. Otherwise, why waste the time and money?
So time to dig in! Keep your rulers crossed that I do well!
School | Comment (1)
